Dark Corners; Finding Light

I've successfully reached the 70 Day mark...so yay!  There are some things that I really want to talk about other than that, though.

Have you all heard about the death of the 49 released exotic animals that occurred in Ohio?  Well it happened, and I am beyond upset about it.  As of this post, there are still a few animals at-large but the vast majority have been shot and killed.  PETA, the Humane Society, and others are calling for the ban of the Exotic Animal Trade.  While I think this is something that should have been banned many moons ago, the fact remains that this is a grotesque and accurate example of our relationship to animals.  These poor creatures were taken from their natural environments and most likely abused (according to some reports).  As if that weren't enough punishment (for what they are receiving punishment I do no know), they were released and murdered.

I am absolutely heart broken because I feel that I have been let down as a vegan, an activist, a compassionate person, and a fellow animal.  This is not justice. This is not safety.  These animals were slaughtered when other options were present.  Although there were attempts made to tranquilize them, ultimately many were killed.  Not just a couple, or a few, or several...but dozens are now dead.  Why is no one talking about this?  Yes, animals might be kept safe from situations like this if we banned the Exotic Animal Trade.  Would this make people re-think the relationship that we have with animals? No.  Experts should have been called in to deal with this situation so that the lives of these creatures could be preserved.  I blame the Ohio police force for these actions, but I do value their bravery and commitment to keeping residents safe.  I understand that this was probably a shocking and difficult situation to deal with, but the fact remains that they were not experts and should not have had to deal with this situation alone.  With the proper guidance, the lives lost could have been saved.

Simply put, we need to stop killing animals.  When our own personal safety or comfort is at risk, we should not compromise the safety and comfort of the life around us.  Animals are not ours to eat, kill, exploit, or otherwise take advantage of.

With all of this in mind, I've been feeling really down lately.  I listen to Food For Thought, a vegetarian/vegan podcast that is free and readily available from the Compassionate Cooks website.  Colleen Patrick-Goudreau writes and narrates the podcast that deals with all things related to animals and their consumption/use/exploitation/etc.  It is very even-keeled as always, and I relay on it greatly for support.  I am the only vegan I know and listening to it makes me feel like I have a welcoming community that supports and cares about me.

I wrote to Colleen yesterday about my frustrations with this issue.  Unfortunately she is travelling, but one of the other people at Compassionate Cooks was kind enough to help me out.  Below is the transcription of my e-mail followed by a response:

Colleen,

I don't know what to do.  The news of the Ohio animal slaughter has simultaneously enraged and depressed me.  Many of the animal rights groups that I look to for support on this are calling for a ban on the exotic animal trade.  While I can get behind this whole-heartedly, the issue is BIGGER than that.  These animals were senselessly murdered when other alternatives were present.  I lived in Jackson, NJ when an escaped tiger was shot just a few years ago and I remember the outrage that the community felt then...but where is this now?  We need not only a ban on the exotic animal trade but also a response to this senseless violence.  

Could you address this in your podcast?  I just simply do not know what to do with myself.  

Hopefully,

Fallon

Hello Fallon,

Thank you for reaching out to us. We all share your dismay and anger at the senselessness of this event. Colleen's traveling right now, but I wanted to step in and get back to you as soon as possible because I can hear the desperation in your message and don't want you to feel unheard right now.

Yes, Colleen will certainly add this to her list of potential topics for a podcast - it is certainly a very good one. But in the meantime, we need to help you find a way through what you're feeling right now. You said you don't know what to do with yourself and that's a natural reaction born of powerlessness. But you know, there are ways to channel this feeling into something positive. No, you cannot change the outcome for those animals who were killed, but you can direct the focus on your rage and upset into helping someone in your local community. It is not the same, I know, but it may help you manage your feelings towards this and bring something positive to the situation.

Let me give you an analogy: several months ago, a dog - Patrick - was found almost starved to death in New York (perhaps, New York, I don't remember) and The Patrick Movement was born. I learned about this case and the movement through Facebook and, being a parent to 2 rescued dogs, I was horrified and outraged and depressed by our ability to be so cruel to those who are so powerless to defend themselves. However, the Patrick Movement encouraged everyone who friended them on Facebook to go to their local dog pound or shelter and make a donation - toys, blankets, food etc - in Patrick's name. And to explain who he is and why we were doing this. I did this, got to know some folks at my local pound and made a few connections. I recently moved house (Massachusetts to California) so when the time came to get rid of surplus bedding, sheets etc etc etc, I knew exactly where to take it and the pound now has more bedding than they know what to do with! :)

My point is this: yes, the issue is bigger than a ban on the exotic animal trade, and yes, it is infuriating that people are so blind and apathetic at times, but you - as a single person - can only do so much and it is not going to change overnight, no matter how much we fervently wish it would. Write to your local newspapers, support the groups calling for reform, get out and leaflet, do all of these things, but remember also to take care of yourself and to channel the powerful feelings you have right now into something that will let you see direct, immediate change for an animal in your community. Working on the short-term, practical level, at the same time as the long-term political level, will help you keep your sanity and keep you effective as a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves.

I hope this helps, Fallon - please email me if there's anything else I can do.

Warmest wishes,
Amanda

I feel as if a weight has been lifted off of my chest (if only temporarily).  Whomever Amanda is, she has certainly touched my life.  In a moment when I was full of despair and hopelessness, she helped me realize that action can be taken...and it can be effective.  I'm not sure where to go from here, but I know that I will be helping a local animal shelter to prepare for winter.  This has been a plan of mine for awhile before these atrocities occurred, but there is no time when it would be more appropriate.  


So thats what I'm doing this weekend.  Stepping up to the plate and giving back. 


How about you?

Almost 60 Days in!

I'm almost 60 days in, Huzzah!

I got back from the Farmer's Market just a little while ago and got QUITE the deal on some delicious veggies!  I picked up the following:

2 Bunches Kale
2 Bunches Beets
2 Bunches Carrots 
1 Cabbage
1 Butternut Squash
1 Lb. Shitake Mushrooms
2 Sweet Bell Peppers
1 Bunch of Grapes

All for about $25!  How exciting is that?  I'm seriously pumped about this because my fridge was looking pretty barren after this past week.  I actually had to make a run to the grocery store to pick up some eats on Thursday...unfortunately I spent well over $25 and I'm still feeling the pain of such a trip.  On the upside, I found a variety pack of Nature's Path Oatmeal so now I can try all of their flavors (so glad they're vegan!).  The Maple Nut is definitely a favorite of mine, but their Apple Cinnamon is also good...especially for someone  who doesn't like Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal!

Anyway, my friend Rhiannon came to visit me last weekend and we had a blast!  She had never seen the ocean so we took a lil' drive to the coast with my roommate in tow.  We also went to see some waterfalls, eat some DELICIOUS doughnuts, and wander all around Portland.  Real quick-shoutout to Voodoo Doughnuts for supplying me with the most fantastic vegan doughnut I have ever (and perhaps will ever) have.

One thing that I noticed was that eating out makes my veganism more difficult.  Rhiannon was totally supportive of my lifestyle change, but I often found myself struggling with the idea of being an inconvenience to her.  She kept asking me "well, can you eat here?" or "is there anything for you?" and I just felt like a bother.  She kept insisting that I wasn't an inconvenience at all and that she was happy to explore veganism with me, and I truly do believe her, but my own insecurity kept getting in the way.  


After she left I kept asking myself why I'm even doing this.  Should it be so hard?  Then I thought: since when has doing the right thing been easy?  Sure, my lifestyle might not be convenient for other people...but eating meat and/or returning to animal products is considerably more than inconvenient for the animals.  


So I guess the moral of the story is that you shouldn't let your "losses" overshadow your wins.  My wins?  
Being close to the 2 month mark.  Getting a steal at the market.  Baked goods, made JUST for me.  Cooking with Maple Syrup.

So keep your head up, ladies and gents.  Sometimes you just need to stick it out and fight (even with yourself) for what you believe in.

Yum from every angle!

Its been about a week since I've arrived in Portland, a veritable vegan mecca!  I've had a few successes and a few failures during my time here, but the lesson through it all is that covert veganism isn't easy.

My parents were here for a week and I still haven't broken the news to them.  We ate at Yumm Cafe, the Melting Pot, Rogue Hall, McMenamins, and a few places out of town.  The good news is that I could find decent vegan fare without having to really ask.  The bad news that in doing so I probably ate a few pieces of cheese here and there, which is the single food that I find most difficult to avoid.  Either way, my adventures here are going pretty swimmingly.  I almost forgot:  they also had a nice roasted vegetable tray at my orientation!  Who would have thought that there was something besides plain vegetables that vegans could eat in public!  Granted, it was still a vegetable tray but at least it was cooked!

I also went to the farmers market today to check out the vegetable fare.  What a WONDERFUL selection, and such convenient hours!  Currently I'm wondering if I should make my way down to some food carts or wait in line at the roasted pepper stand.  I'm also perusing through some online recipes so I can buy some yummy fresh fruits and veggies and make them TONIGHT.  This is a total win!

I made sure to stop my the Petunia's vegan/gluten-free stand today and pick up some treats.  I only had about $9 in my pocket so I picked up two shimmery pink cupcakes.  One for myself, and the other for my roommate!  She doesn't seem wary of my veganism, so maybe I can bring her over to the dark side?  Baketivism, right Isa Chandra Moskowitz?  I'm not an incredible baker, much less a vegan baker, so why not have someone else do it for me.

Why I am Vegan...

I found THIS article after reading THIS OTHER article.  I think they both sum up what I have been feeling over the past summer.  I know that food is and will ALWAYS be a very important factor in my life when it comes to making myself happy, but how can I make myself happy off of something that is making someone else so miserable?

How would you like it if you were skinned alive?  Scalded alive?  Confined and milked until your breasts were sore and bleeding?  Had your life cut short?   Been made with only the enjoyment of others in mind?

These are just a few of the issues but well-being is at the heart of it all.  Do unto others, my friends, do unto others...

A Life is a Life is a Life.

For awhile I've been battling with the concept of all life being equal.  For instance, is a human life "worth" more than a non-human life?  Is an animal life "worth" more than a plant life?

I was having a discussion with my Mom tonight about a woman who left a dog tied up in her car while she went to dinner, and when she returned to her vehicle the dog had died.

In our conversation my Mom specifically mentioned that she felt a human life was worth more than an animal life.  I'm not sure I believe that anymore.  I've spent this summer researching my vegan/vegetarian choices and naturally found myself on websites like ADAPTT and PETA.  I've always shied away from the argument that animals and humans should have equal rights (based on the principal that both lives are of equal value) even though these sites advocate that exact principal.  Yet as I voiced that belief (in a hypothetical way) I realized that it rang very true to me.

Is this how it all happens?  You have a single moment, an awakening, and the rest just follows naturally?  I feel fascinated with and intrigued by my own mental process...I'm not sure I've made this much mental and emotional change in such a short period of time!

Hey now!

I just stumbled across this!  What a fantastic little entry!

A Vegan Misconception

Coming Out: The Vegan Closet

So I kind of "came out of the vegan closet" today.  I was at lunch with a friend and mentioned that I wasn't eating dairy, specifically not saying the word vegan.  Then she asked me if I was vegan and I said "yea, kind of...I'm trying...its a process."  It didn't necessarily feel good in the same way that coming out as a vegetarian was, but maybe it'll be better when I mention it to my Mom.  Why is something like this so important?  I know that a lot of vegans believe in "spreading the vegan gospel," and that this could be a part of it...but why is this so important to me?  I am not particularly occupied with whether I will or will not be accepted, but it seems strange that telling people about my veganism is on my to-do list.

Much like this blog, why share?

That said, I'm not doubting anything at all.  Today I felt like I was eating "normal meals," as in I didn't fill that concerned about avoiding Dairy.  I mostly just gravitated towards vegan things!  HUZZAH!!!!

Now to find a non-leather belt ( I lost 10 lbs!  Not a goal, but a noticeable change!)

So there you go my friends, a few of my vegan adventures so far!  More to come!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND I just signed up for a Vegan mentor...

So I called Herbivore Clothing today to look for a job (half-heartedly) and to ask for some information about how to get more involved in the Veg-community (whole-heartedly).  She didn’t have a job for me but gave me a list of some resources that I should look into.  One of which is Try Vegan PDX, who has a mentoring program for people interested in Veganism.

So I signed up.

I think this might be a good step in finding a potentially like-minded community? Lets hope so!  I’m excited for Portland!!!

Veggie Tales

So I’ve done some research and made some decisions.

I still stand by my statement that I’m not ready to make a commitment to veganism.  I do think, however, that some changes can be made in that direction.  I’ve been trying to limit my egg and dairy intake recently and it is equal parts difficulty and ease.  I find that avoiding animal products at home is pretty easy, but working in a mall limits what I can eat when I’m there.  The solution should be to just pack a lunch, but money has been tight and I’m still trying to figure out what I can bring other than a salad.  I don’t want to turn my food choices into a burden on my family.

Working at a Coffee Stand also presents complications, because THERE IS SO MUCH MILK EVERYWHERE.  2%, Non-fat, Whole, Heavy Cream, Whipped cream, not to mention all of the pastries in the display case…and then Soy.  Thank the lord for Soy!  I’m not sure whether it is GMO or not, but I should really look into it.  I don’t want to be so desperate that I forget about the exploitation of farmers by companies like Monsanto (who push GMOs down the throats of farmers everywhere, frequently causing them to go out of business).  Replacing concerns for Human welfare with Animal welfare is really not a stance I support.

My “research” relies entirely on blogs like No Meat Athlete and Kiss Me, I’m Vegan.  At this point I don’t feel like I need “convincing,” but I want to learn as much as I can about personal experience with the issues.  Or perhaps I’m looking for a friend to commiserate with?  Who knows, but I feel like reading these blogs give me hope when I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.  That said, I don’t feel overwhelmed in the typical sense.  I don’t feel hopeless or dis-empowered, but I tend to question myself.  Maybe that is all I need, a few people to share the experience with me.  Hopefully when I get to Portland I’ll find some granolas like me to share recipes with and talk about whatever it is that we’re supposed to be talking about.

That said, I don’t want to hang out with any creepers just because they don’t eat meat…so yea lets hope that doesn’t happen.

There has been a lot to think about in the last few days...

For those of you curious about my vegetarianism (I’m going to assume there are few if ANY) here is a little update:

• OFFICIAL start date:  May 9th 
• Progress: 3 months and going strong!

There have been a few weird obstacles as of late, however.  As I’ve been doing more reading about the Veggie lifestyle I’ve been asking myself a lot of interesting questions.  When I decided to stop eating meat, I kept fish in the equation (making me a pescetarian, technically) because I didn’t have enough faith in myself to stay healthy without it.  Not only is fish an EXCELLENT source of protein but it also provides you with Omega-3 fats.  It would appear that these Omega-3’s are really important for your body (and your brain, as are all fats) and it seemed really hard to get them without fish.  I realized on Father’s day that I could no longer justify eating fish if I was excluding all other meats.  I’m not catholic so the “fish isn’t meat” rule was only a benefit once a year on Good Friday, and even then I questioned what made fish flesh different from that from other animal flesh.  While I was working through all of this in my head, however, my brother was pestering me about semantics and the term vegetarian vs. pescetarian.  I didn’t want to admit to him at the time (I struggle with pride, what can I say?) but that night would be the last night I would eat fish.

I knew all along that this was the right decision for me; I don’t like to half-ass my commitments.   Giving up chicken, pork, and beef wasn’t as difficult as giving up fish but I think I took a huge intellectual leap when I made that choice. Since then I’ve learned about how devastating fishing can really be.  Apparently there is a lot of “By-catch” when fishermen reel in their nets.  This can include thousands of seahorses and other species.  Not only does this kill them and write them off as collateral damage, but it changes the balance of the environment. I’ve never been someone who was particularly moved by facts like this but as of late I find that they’ve become ever more important to me.  I also learned about tuna fishing and how gruesome it could actually be.  I won’t go into it but if you’re interested I would read “Eating Animals” by Jonathan Safran Foer (the book that has provoked all this thinking as of late).

I’ve also been thinking a lot about how I feel about Vegetarianism as an idea.  I first decided to become a veggie because I felt that I was participating in a corrupt system that I wasn’t educated about.  My choice to eat vegetables instead of meat is my vote against this system. I want to protect myself from unwittingly subjugating my fellow man (workers on factory farms, farmers in general, etc.) and this was the best way that I knew how to go about it.  At first I thought I could just investigate the farms where my meat comes from and make sure they were family farms that were treating everyone fairly. Then I realized that I’m but a lowly Graduate Student who doesn’t have the time or money for that.  Thus, I was “re-born.”

As I said before, I’ve been learning a lot more about both the environmental benefits of Vegetarianism (which a granola like me can TOTALLY get behind) and the animal cruelty side of it.  Unfortunately I’ve seen “Meet your Meat” and 20 seconds of the trailer for “Earthlings” and I can’t go back.  What does this mean? This means that I don’t think the problem is JUST eating meat, its eating dairy and eggs as well.  Again, Foer’s “Eating Animals” is a great way to learn about what I’m referencing:

• Broilers: Chickens genetically modified to have bigger breasts (for more yumminess at a lower cost).  They are packed into walled-up houses that contain more chickens than you can imagine.  It is not ventilated and many die because their body can’t support their rapid growth rate.  Fun Fact: most broilers are slaughtered after only a few weeks of life.
• Layers:  Chickens genetically modified to increase their egg-laying potential.  Most are raised in cages with the floor size of an 8 1/2 X 11 piece of printer paper.  These cages are stacked and the lights are strategically turned on and off to trick the chickens into laying more eggs.  Lights are left on or off for days at a time (Lights on=Springtime=egg time).  Fun Fact: Layers in their second year of life produce less eggs and are often disposed of during this time.

And these are only a few of the things I’ve learned.  If “laying-chickens” (Layers) are treated just as badly as “eating-chickens” (Broilers), then why am I still eating eggs?  I haven’t gotten to the cow portion of the book but I can’t imagine that it is much better for them.  I’ve never been a big fan of straight dairy but I like ice cream and yogurt as much as the next person.  So where does this leave me?  Thinking about Veganism, thats where.

I find that I can no longer justify JUST vegetarianism but I’m not ready to take the step to becoming a vegan.  I mean, I am only a 3 month-old veggie baby!  I don’t want to make a commitment that I’m not sure I can keep and thats why I need to hold off on being a vegan.  If its right for me, I’ll just have to wait and see how I feel in a few months or so.  I’m not at ALL thinking about going back to eating meat again, but I’m in a state of intellectual flux.  Simply put, I feel like Vegetarianism is NOT enough.  That said, these are my feelings about MY struggle and reflect only on me and MY life choices.

I do have a confession, however.  I don’t feel bad about it because Its only natural for my body, but I’ve been wanting meat lately.  It has been around me a lot and my food has become boring, so I’m missing old familiar flavors.  Like I said, I’m not thinking about going back to meat but its curious how this sort of thing pops up every once in awhile.  Will it be like this forever?  Maybe, maybe not.  Either way I’m proud of the decisions I’ve made!

Coming Out: The Home Invasion

I ate rice with spinach, garlic, and olive oil tonight accompanied by some Brussel Sprouts.  Firstly, it was DELICIOUS.  Secondly, Frank asked me if I was a vegetarian and I said “pretty much.”  Then he said “No, I’m being serious” and I said “Yea, pretty much.”  The conversation continued only slightly and I was unmocked for the remainder of it.  

THANK THE  BABY JESUS.

I made it sound like it just sort of happened instead of making any indication of a conscious decision or conviction.  Perhaps this is the route I need to take with my family?  To appear thoughtless and nonchalant.

Whatevs.  I’ll take it!  

Next week though, next week I’m making some SERIOUS meals!

Coming Out: The Vegetarian Closet

Do I have some type of social responsibility to blog about being a vegetarian now?  Hopefully not, but I guess I should post a lil’ something here and there about it…especially since I’m so far from my home now :(

Well, here’s a few deats:

My parents were in town for the past week and I was secretly vegetarian the whole time.  Mostly I ordered fish and what-not because it was less obvious than ordering salads the whole time.  A lot of the restaurants in Missoula are surprisingly not veggie friendly, so it was either shrimp or salad.  Maybe I should re-phrase that, most of the chain restaurants weren’t very veggie friendly…and my parents chose them almost exclusively.  A few times here and there my Dad said “but you got no meat!” when I’d order something, but beyond that he didn’t seem to think about it much.

I asked my Mom to take me food shopping today and I told her about my vegetarianism on the way.  She seemed ok with it, but the entire time we were in the supermarket she was a little discouraging.  I know she didn’t mean to be that way specifically, she just tends to have a discouraging personality.

They both went out to the movies and I’m expecting one of two things:  Either my Mother forgets to mention it to my Dad all together (which is fine) OR she’ll mention it and he will enter into the house saying “So you’re a vegetarian now, huh?” and then mutter on about hippie bullshit, “the liberal agenda,” or make some other type of mocking statements(which is normal, but not necessarily fine). 

While this all sounds negative, I can happily say that I’m excited for my vegetarian future!  I feel really good about this decision and so far it has gone along swimmingly.  I probably won’t be very honest with most of my family about why
I went veggie because it is really hard to explain, but I hope that one day I can have an honest conversation about it. 

4 out of 5 Cows?

So I'm starting a blog about my vegan and becoming-vegan adventures!  Huzzah!  I've made some important posts about this on my tumblr so I'm just going to copy and paste them here in sequential order.  Hopefully this will be interesting and maybe inspiring?  Who knows, but the only sure thing is that its been a pretty fun change so far!!!